Thursday, June 19, 2014

Daily Dosage | A Lion In Shackles...

 So...
Only recently, I've just noticed a pattern in my life...

When graduation was approaching, my teachers were finishing up lessons and sections of their class to fit in some time to talk to their students. At this time, teachers gave their "last lecture" sort of speak, to each class, giving them valuable life advice; and usually it all sounded about the same. "Become your own person," "Discover your potential," and the infamous saying "Live life to the fullest." I was used to adults repeating these phrases over and over; the concept was crystal clear. But I never realized this, until a few days ago, that almost everyone I've met has told me a similar thing.

Let me explain...

The first boy that I ever dated in College was a complete dream boy to me. I fed off his compliments and smiles and the sweet words that seem to rush from his lips. It is only clear to me now, that he was only feeding his ego. I drank up every bit of what he said and gazed at him with such excitement and awe. One night he told me that he felt like I was hiding who I was; this fiery person was just dying to escape; someone with no fear and unlimited confidence. He said that I had to find this person on my own. Family and friends told me that was his way of saying he didn't want anything to get to serious and basically ended things. They were right, but maybe he was too...

Truthfully, multiple people have told me that. The people that are closest to me are the ones that said that. I was also described as "a lion in shackles."  I say funny things or I have really good opinions, and I never share them because I am so scared. Scared of what others may think of me, scared that people would think I was stupid or childish. I don't normally go to big parties when the girls there are gorgeous, confident and walk up to any guy. That is something that I would never do.


For some reason, I never feel like I am enough. But, enough for what? For whom? This quote, a very famous quote, by Dave Ramsey is one that every single person in the world should take to heart...


So, if I really am a caged lion, why am I doing this to myself? I think over the next few months I am truly going to decide what exactly it is that I am "hiding" from everyone. I won't be afraid anymore. I want to feel alive and feel love every single day I wake up. I want my heart to feel full of life and the thoughts of the day be optimistic, bright and hopeful. I want to be able to just say what I'm feeling, and not care of what others think. I'm almost 21, and this is stuff you let go once you enter college. I may be a bit behind on this "self realization" process, but hey, I'm there now.

No comments:

Post a Comment