Daily Dosage | A Pep Talk From The Past...

I received my first journal when I was 8 years old and I've kept one with me ever since. I love cracking open a new notebook, breaking the seam and filling the pages with all of my nonsense that only I understand. It wasn't until a few days ago, where I finally decided to tackle the task cleaning our basement, where I found the box containing every single one of my journals. I sat down on a stool and began thumbing through old pages reminiscing about growing pains, boy problems and of course girl drama. I reached the end of my sophomore year of high school when I came across this entry... 




May 29, 2009 - Friday
Today was great. It's around 9:00pm and I am outside. I hear crickets chirping, kids playing and the still calmness that overcomes the neighborhood at night. I'm actually outside my bedroom window on some pavers. It forms a kind of bench structure with a bed of beautiful lilies and bleeding hearts.

It's weird to feel myself growing up. It very strange to know that each day I get older I am always learning something new. It's still nerve racking to think of who I'll date? Will they respect me? How can I talk to them? How do I kiss them? Who will I marry? How will I know that it's the right person? Would I ever regret it? So many of life's questions are flooding into my mind and honestly I'm scared! 

All that I know is that I am safe.

I hope future me is reading this and if so.... Hi!!! You have learned a lot in your childhood, both good and bad. You learned so much about yourself and that's what made you the amazing woman that you are today. You will have an incredible husband. 
You ARE capable. You ARE ready


It's funny to read a message that I wrote myself... about myself.  Whatever the reason my be, at that moment in time I had to make sure to remind myself that being safe was my number one priority. I had dealt with a huge amount of anxiety all throughout my childhood. I never felt safe... at school or with myself. It took me awhile to grow out of being afraid of what I looked like, how others perceived me or if I said the wrong thing. I may not have been that beautiful blonde bombshell shining with confidence, but I was that awkward redheaded girl that performed with the marching band.
Plus, you want to know the truth?
 I wouldn't want to change a damn thing.

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