Sunday, October 12, 2014

Daily Dosage - The Past 10 Days...

I can't really think of a graceful introduction to tell you about the past couple days. I can think of a couple words though. Stressful is probably the first. Terrifying, confusing, unreal and real at the same time. 

Just when you begin to think you have life in order, you get kicked down and beaten. I swear it happens all the time. Having been told this probably 100 times over by family and loved ones, I guess I should be used to it by now. 

When I attempted to make something right, it backfired. Now, I'm in a spot of suspension. I feel like, for a while, I was just watching myself; going to class, driving home, headed to work. Time was slowly ticking away when I wanted it to go a little faster. I went through probably every emotion.  First sadness, then anger, then...simply ignoring my feelings.What else could I do? I went back to what I promised myself I would do if I were ever to reach this point. I would put all my focus on school and my health, and nothing else. I still have issues with things not in my control, or even at least knowing what was going on, but nothing is in my control, and I'm choosing to simply put my game face on. And wait.

While the present seems to be making all sorts of left turns, my past decides to creep back in. But, it's the good side of the past. It was a semi calming part. It is still very confusing and just as terrifying, but nonetheless, it made an appearance. When it was first unwelcome, now... curiosity has sparked itself. If you had a chance to either shut the door to the past, or get your answers from it, what would you do first? Due to the fact that quite everything seems to be hanging above my head, completely out of reach, taunting me with the unknown outcome of those problems, I think I'm going to open this one up and get some answers. It could mean scratching open a healed wound, but hell, at least I'll understand why the wound got put there in the first place. 

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